Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into the ex-President. "Hello," Bush said. "Nice weather we're having, huh?"

Moses took one look at the President, turned and ran in the other direction. The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.

Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.

Moses said, "The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert."

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, "Talking Dog for Sale."

Intrigued, he walks in. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog.

"I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"

The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"

Two brothers were fast asleep in their room when the eldest heard a thud sound.

Eldest: What's that sound?

Youngest: Oh, it's just my t-shirt falling off my bed.

Eldest: T-shirt? Why was it so loud?

Youngest: Because I was still in it.