Favorite this joke Bob was sitting on the plane at Cleveland waiting to fly to Chicago, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale hands shaking in fear.
"What's the matter, afraid of flying?" Bob asked.
"No, it's not that. I've been transferred to Chicago. The people are crazy there, right? Lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor schools, and the highest crime rate in the USA."
Bob replied, "I've lived in Chicago all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. I've worked there for 14 years and never had the slightest trouble."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you've lived and worked there all those years and say its OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck..."
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chickens didn't exist yet!
A bachelor is defined as:
A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Harry was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. Since his own car was off the road being serviced.
“Sure,” said Carmine, “I’ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside.”
As they’re driving along, Harry says, “Carmine, what’s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?”
“That’s my digital clock.”
A few minutes later, Harry asks, “And what’s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?”
“That’s my tachometer,” says Carmine.
Then a few minutes after that, Harry starts to ask, “But what’s that….”
“Hold on a minute, Harry,” says Carmine, “I can see you’ve never been in a Rolls Royce before.”
“Never in the front seat.” says Harry.
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