Why did you stop going to the gym?

I stopped going because I get enough of a workout exercising bad judgment.

What’s a banana peel’s favorite type of shoe?

Slippers!

My mother taught me about religion...

"You better pray that this will come out of the carpet!"

There are advantages to being over the age of 60...

1. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
2. Things you buy now won't wear out.

3. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

4. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
5. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.