I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.

"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.

Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."

"So what does 'nine' mean in German?"

"It means 'No'."

A lion was walking in the jungle and met two men. One is sitting on a rock reading a book and the other is working at a typewriter.

The lion ate only one. Which one and why?

He ate the man reading the book because everyone knows that reader's digest and writer's cramp.

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

What type of apparel is the most popular with lawyers?

Law-suits!