How was Rome split in two?

With a pair of Ceasars.

Why can't towels tell jokes?

Because they have a dry sense of humor.

What is the most tired part of a car?

What else, the exhaust pipe!

Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino's holding a chicken pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings.

"I haven't ordered any pizza," I said. "This must be a mistake."

"No, it's not," he replied. "Your neighbor forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show you what he was eating for dinner."