Some helium floats into a bar and tries to order a drink.
The barman says, “We don’t serve noble gases in here.”
The helium doesn’t react.
"Doctor, I think I'm a moth."
"It's not a doctor you need, it's a psychiatrist."
"I was on my way there when I saw your light on."
My girlfriend just asked me, "When we go to Egypt, can we go on a camel?"
I said, "As you wish," and booked it for her. She's going tomorrow...
I'm leaving in three weeks and flying there!
My wife was getting annoyed that I kept leaving freezer door open and it kept on defrosting.
We have since split up, it’s all water under the fridge.