We've just played the Christmas edition of Clue...
My wife murdered the Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven!
How do vampires start their letters?
"Tomb it may concern..."
An atom loses an electron…
It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them!”
An alcoholic wakes up in jail. He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"