College is really just kidnapping done backwards...
If you don’t give us a ridiculously large amount of money, we’ll send you your child back!
Father is giving his son some life advice.
Father: “If you want to be a good man, you must be honest and cautious in life.”
Son: “And what does that mean?”
Father: “You must fulfill everything you’ve promised.”
Son: “And cautious?”
Father: “Never make any promises.”
Would you like a joke about statistics?
Probably!
Waiter: I just wanted to let you know kids eat free.
Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light beer.