At the monthly meeting of the local group of struggling artists, two of them were discussing their respective prospects.
First artist: "I'm not doing too well. I painted a picture for a local lady but she didn't like it. She said it made her look just like a monkey."
Second artist: "I hope you were diplomatic about it?"
First artist: "Yes, I told her she should have thought about that before she had her picture painted."
A ill business owner was discussing with his lawyer a final draft of his last will and testament.
"Well," as he was discussing with his lawyer, "I want to put in a clause for my employees. To those that have worked for me for 20 years or longer I want to give and bequeath the amount of $50,000."
His Lawyer reminded him that he has not been in business 20 years. The business owner replied, "I know, but it's going to be great advertising!"
Mr. Boggs was halted by the highway patrol who informed him that he was going seventy-five miles an hour in a twenty-five mile an hour zone.
"I wasn't going seventy-five!" protested Mr. Boggs. "I wasn't even going sixty, I wasn't even going fifty, I wasn't even going forty, I wasn't even going..."
"Hey look out," said the highway patrol person. "At this rate you will be backing into something soon enough..."
Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame.
Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?"
Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"