Went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood...
...then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.
I'm just trying to find a happy medium
My wife gave me an ultimatum.
It was her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly, and three polars...
It's the bear minimum.
My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him...
"If you tickle a man to death by accident... is it manslaughter???