A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier.

"Have you any two watt bulbs?"

"For what?"

"That’ll do, I'll take two."

"Two what?"

"I thought you didn’t have any."

"Any what?"

"Yes please!"

I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.”

My son’s math teacher called him average...

I just think he’s mean.