Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?"
Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am."
Teacher: "Why is it wrong?"
Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet."
A stranger accosted an Irishman walking along a roadway in New Jersey. "Say, Pat, how far is it to Newark?"
"How did ye know my name?"
"I guessed it."
"Thin guess how far it is to Newark."
One Sunday afternoon, President Coolidge was returning to the White House after attending church. He had gone alone, so upon arrival Mrs. Coolidge inquired:
"Was the sermon good?"
"Yes," he answered.
"What was it about?"
"Sin."
"What did the minister say?"
"He was against it."
"Trouble with your throat, eh... ever gargle with salt water?"
"Yes, sort of. I nearly drowned while swimming last summer."