My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
Friend: "What are you going to give your mother-in-law for Christmas?"
Me: "Her son back!"
I had the rudest, slowest, and nastiest cashier today...
That’s the last time I use the self checkout lane!
Can you please stop asking Santa for the perfect woman???
I almost got kidnapped 3 times today!!!