A nurseryman called a customer that had purchased and had decorated his Christmas tree for years, not knowing that he just had the worst of a financial deal.

Nurseryman: "Are you ready to order your Christmas tree and schedule delivery and decorating it for this year?"

Customer: Yes, I'm ready to schedule delivery but I am going to have my broker decorate it this year."

Nurseryman: "Why your broker?"

Customer: "Its the only thing he hasn't trimmed."

Pat O'Brian lay at death's door and he sent for a lawyer to make his last will. O'Brian's wife remained in the room while the lawyer was there. The lawyer said, "State your affairs briefly."

Mr. O'Brian: "Timothy Duggan owes me $5."

Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."

Mr. O'Brian: "Patrick Kelly owes me $15."

Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."

Mr. O'Brian: "Michael McKay, I owe $100."

Mrs. O'Brian: "My soul, listen to him rave out of his mind."

Zack met an old college friend who had never married and ask him about his bachelor status.

Zack: "Tom, haven't you ever met a girl you care for?"

Tom: "Oh yes, just last week I met a girl and fell in love at first sight."

Zack: "What happened? Why didn't you get married?"

Tom: "I took a second look."

Customer in a waterfront restaurant: “Waiter, these are very small oysters!”

Waiter: “Yes sir, they are very small.”

Customer: “Also, they do not appear to be very fresh!”

Waiter with a resourceful response: “Then it’s lucky they’re small, ain’t it sir?”