Favorite this joke Jack and his friend walk into a restaurant when they happen to bump into the Jack’s former teacher.
Introducing his teacher, Jack says, “This is Mr. Miller, my high school teacher who always used to correct me and taught me everything I know.”
“Young man,” said Mr. Miller, “you mean I taught you everything you didn’t know, don’t you? I’m not in the habit of teaching students what they already know.”
A man was boasting to his kids that when he was young, the young ladies would be chasing after him.
The kids (naturally) went to the man’s mother and asked if it were true. The grandma says, “Well, kids, it’s mostly true but I wouldn’t quite put it like that.”
“How would you put it, grandma?” asked the kids.
“I’d say the young ladies were chasing him AWAY!”
A man was contesting his speeding ticket in front of the judge.
Judge: Sir, it says here that you were speeding 20 miles over the speed limit.
Man: Impossible, your Honor. There’s NO WAY I could have been going that fast!
Judge: Really! Why is that?
Man: Well, my wife was away visiting her parents and after a week of partying, I was on my way to pick her up. The house was a mess, I hadn’t done any dishes, the bed wasn’t made in a week and there were pizza boxes all over the house. Now let me ask you, your Honor, do you think I’d be speeding to go pick her up?
Judge: Case dismissed!
Wife: Honey, I saved $1 off on a loaf of bread!
Husband: That’s fantastic! How did you do that?
Wife: Well, I bought a 10lbs bag of birdseed.
Husband: But we don’t have any birds.
Wife: Yes I know but the birdseed came with 50 cents off dog food coupon that I used to buy dog food.
Husband (frustratedly): WE DON’T HAVE ANY DOGS EITHER!!!
Wife: I KNOW! But the dog food came with $1 off bread coupon!
Free Daily Joke