My cousin Jimmy was having a terrible time falling asleep unless he was lying on a pile of old magazines.

It turns out he had back issues.

My older brother, Lenny, loved to tell the story of what happened to our cocker spaniel, Inky.

It seems Lenny was using an open bowl of gasoline to wash some parts for the transmission he was repairing. Distracted by a customer, he returned to his project to find Inky drinking the gasoline from the bowl. He yelled at the dog, who took off running. In fact, Inky ran around the house three times before finally falling over.

The neighbors came running over to see what had happened to Inky. "Is he dead?" asked our neighbor Ruth.

"No," Lenny replied. "I think he ran out of gas."

Walking through the company breakroom one afternoon, I was impressed to see two new employees, recent high school graduates, reading the newspaper.

As I walked by their table, I heard one say, "It says here that Bruce Springsteen is travelling incognito. I wonder where that is?"

The other replied, "I think it's in Mexico."

Last week at the grocery store, I saw a man slipping celery into other people's shopping carts...

I believe he was a stalker.