Sergeant (to new recruit): What were you before you joined the army?
New Recruit: Happy, Sergeant.

Doctor: I’m sorry to have to tell you that you may have rabies, and it could prove fatal.
Patient: Well, doctor, please give me pencil and paper.
Doctor: To make your will?
Patient: No, to make a list of people I want to bite.

Doctor, you were right when you said you’d have me on my feet and walking in no time.
That’s good John; when did you start walking?
When I got your bill doctor, I had to sell my car to pay it.

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Peter: Because they had so many knights.