A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse serving drinks. The guy stares until the horse finally says, “What’s the problem? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?”

The guy says, “No, it’s not that. It is just that I never thought the ferret would sell the place.”

Sergeant (to new recruit): What were you before you joined the army?
New Recruit: Happy, Sergeant.

A drunk guy approaches a cute girl in a singles bar. “Hi Babe, how about a date? He says. “Don’t waste your time. I never go out with a perfect stranger.”
“It seems we are both in luck. I’m far from perfect.”

Goofy Fred took a friend driving on a narrow mountain road. After a while the friend said, “I feel very scared whenever you go around one of those sharp bends.”
“Then do what I do,” said Fred, “close your eyes.”