“Is there anything wrong?” asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink. “Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars” said the man. “That doesn’t sound like anything to be upset about,” said the bartender. “It should happen to me.” “Yeah,” said the sour young man, “but last month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars.” “So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?” Asked the bartender. “This month – so far – not a cent.”

An inebriated man and his drunken friend were sitting at a bar.
“Do you know what time it is?” Asked the drunk.
“Sure,” said the man
“Thanks,” said the drunk.

An elderly woman was brought to the ER with a fractured hip. The ER doctor knew that surgery would be in order for the patient. “Have you ever undergone surgery?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said. “Remember what type of surgery was it?” “I’m not sure,” the old lady said. “It was a long time ago.” The physician noticed a scar on the right side of the woman’s abdomen. He pointed to the scar. “Is this where you had the surgery?” he asked. “No,” said the woman. “It was in Brooklyn.”

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr. Smith’s behavior. Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Smith would run up and down the hallway, yelling, “Tetanus, measles, flu”!
Very curious, the nurse asked the head nurse, “Why does Dr. Smith keep doing that?” “Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse said.
”He thinks he calls all the shots around here.”