Heaven is a place where:
The lovers are Italian
The cooks are French
The mechanics are German
The police are English, and
The government is run by the Swiss

Student: I would love for you to teach me a foreign language.
Teacher: Certainly. French, German, Russian, Italian, Spanish?
Student: Oh, which is the most foreign?

Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”
Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?

Teacher: What are the four main food groups?
Students: Canned, frozen, instant, and lite.