A recently widow says to her friend, “Oh don’t talk to me about lawyers”
“I’ve had so much trouble settling my late husband’s estate that I sometimes whish he hadn’t died….”

“So, thundered Greg’s furious father, “you have been expelled from college, have you?”
“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”

A frantic woman had dialed 911.
“Police, fire, or ambulance?” asked the operator.
“I want a vet!” demanded the panic-stricken woman.
“A vet?” said the operator in surprise.
“What for?”
“To open by bulldog’s jaws.”
“But why did you call 911?”
“There’s a burglar in them.”

Two women were talking at a party, and one said, “Look at that awful-looking man over there… isn’t he hideous? I think he must be the most unattractive man I’ve ever seen in my life!”
“That happens to be my husband!” said the second icily.
“Oh dear,” said the first, covered in confusion, “I’m so sorry.”
To which the unfortunate wife replied, “You’re sorry…?”