The moving man was struggling to get a large bureau up the stairs.
“Why don’t you get Tom to help you?” Asked the moving foreman, to which the man answered, “Tom is inside carrying the clothes.”

“I’d like some really tight jeans.”
“Certainly, sir. Will you walk this way?”
“If they’re as tight as yours I’ll probably have to.”

A woman rushes into a hardware store and says, “Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will you be quick, I’ve got a bus to catch!”

“Sorry, ma’am,” said the store clerk, “but we don’t sell ‘em that big!”

“Dad, the career counselor said that with a mind like mine I should study criminal law.”
“That is wonderful, son. I’m proud of you.”
“He said I had a criminal mind.”