One guy to another, “Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced.”
“Did you see a lawyer?”
“No, I got married.”

To everyone amazement the middle-aged spinster announced her engagement.
“But I thought you said all men were stupid,” said one friend, “and that you’d never marry!
“Yes, I did, she replied, “but then I found one who asked me.”

Q. What did the cork say to the bottle?
A. “If you don’t behave I’ll plug you.”

What travel 100 miles per hour underground? “A mole on a motorbike.”