A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.

He says, “Doctor, what is wrong with me?"

The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”

“Hi? Is this the mental hospital?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can I speak to Mr. Scott in room ten?
“One moment and I’ll connect you …. I’m sorry, Mr. Scott in not answering.”
“Good. That means I must have really escaped.”

What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line?
I’m the wiener!

Lead me not into temptation -- I can find the way myself.