I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late

Son: Dad!, Dad! I got a part in the school play! I play the husband.
Dad: Too bad they did not give a speaking role.

Why do black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.

“Where were you? I was worried sick.”

“It was such nice day, I decided to walk.”