A young girl was so nervous about the cruise that immediately after being shown to her cabin, she headed for the bar.
Four hours later she bumped into a steward. “ ‘Scuse me.’ She said hiccupping, “I, I can’t seem to find my cabin.”
“I’ll be glad to help you, ma’am. What’s the number?”
“I dunno,” she answered, “but if you show me aroun’, I’ll recognize it from the lighthouse just outside the porthole.”

It was Loomis’s day to walk about the grounds of the asylum. Pausing by the fence, he looked into the fields of the farmer next door.
“Hey,” he yelled, “what the heck are you doing?”
“Spreading fertilizer on the strawberries,” replied the farmer.
Shaking his head, Loomis says, “Fella, you ought to have dessert here some time.
“We eat them with cream and sugar.”

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises.

“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?”

“Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”

Tired of having to balance his wife Lucy’s checkbook, Bob made a deal with her; he would only look at it after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape. Only then would he lend his expertise.
The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, the woman said proudly, “There! I’ve done it! I made it balance!”
Impressed, Bob came over to take a look.
“Let’s see … mortgage 550.00…electricity 70.50…phone 35.00.” His brow wrinkled
as he read the last entry. “It says here ESP, 615.00. What the heck is that?”
“Oh,” she said, “That means, Error Some Place.”