"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”

“Huge hands, sir.”

Mother had just finished waxing the floors when she heard her young son opening the front door. She shouted, “Be careful on that floor, Jimmy; it’s just been waxed.”
Jimmy, walking right in, replied, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’m wearing my cleats.”

“Doctor, doctor! My family thinks I’m mad!”
“Why is that?”
“I like sausages.”
“There’s nothing strange about that. I like sausages too.”
“Really? You must come and see my collection – I’ve got
thousands!”

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a goat.”
“How long have you been like this?”
“Since I was a kid.”