Two snakes are walking down the street. "Oh man, I have to ask you something," the little one said.

"What is it?"

"Are we dangerous? You know, venomous?"

The other one said, "Of course we are, why?"

"Because I just bit myself!"

A man walked into a crowded restaurant and caught the eye of a harried waiter. “ You know,” he said, “it’s been 10 years since I came in here.”
“Don’t blame me,” the waiter snapped. “I’m working as fast as I can.”

While eating in an expensive restaurant, a patron overhead the gentleman at the next table ask the waitress t pack the leftovers for their dog. It was then that his young son exclaimed loudly, “Whoopee! We’re going to get a dog.”

In a greasy spoon, a downhearted diner asked the waitress for meatloaf and some kind words. She brought the meatloaf but didn’t say a thing. “Hey,” he said, “what about my kind word?”
She replied, “Don’t eat the meatloaf.”