Tom, Dick and Harry were traveling in the desert. Arriving at a small village they could find nowhere to sleep but a strange inn whose landlord, though willing to take them in for the night, would offer only a bed of fire, a bed of nails, and a bed of fleas.
In the morning, they compared notes over breakfast. The bed of fire was awful,” said Tom. “Very uncomfortable. I didn’t sleep a wink, and I’m scorched all over.”
“I had a bad night, too,” said Dick. “That bed of nails was dreadful. I’m covered with holes.”
“I slept fine,” declared Harry. “My bed of fleas was no trouble at all. I just killed one flea and all the rest went to the funeral!”

"I hope this plane doesn't travel faster than sound," said the old lady to the stewardess.
"Why?"
"Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."

Jack met Claude in the street and noticed that Claude was carrying a small parcel.
‘Been shopping then, Claude?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied Claude, “I’ve just been to the perfumery to by a present for the wife’s birthday tomorrow.” “Oh, yes?” said Jack, “what did you get her, then?”
“A bottle of toilet water. Very expensive – this little bottle cost me twenty-five dollars!”
“Twenty-five dollars for a bottle of toiler water?” said Jack in amazement. “Why don’t you come home with me? You can have all you want for nothing!”

"Louisa" asked her small brother, "could you help me with my math homework?"
"Certainly not," replied Louisa indignantly. "It wouldn't be right."
"Maybe not," said her brother, "but you could at least try...!"