Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne.

"What on earth for?" asked his wife.

"I've left the tickets on it."

"I hope this plane doesn't travel faster than sound," said the old lady to the stewardess.
"Why?"
"Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."

“I’ve never flown before," said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you?"

“All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”

Damien was being severely scolded by his father for fighting. "Now, Damien" said his angry father, "This will not do! You must learn that you can't have everything you want in this life. There must always be give and take."
"But there was Dad!" protested the aggressive youngster. "I gave him a black eye and took the apple!"