Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat her with a shovel!

Two grapes go on a date. At the end of the date the boy grape took the girl grape home gave her a kiss and told her that it was their only date. She started to cry and when he asked her if she was ok. She said, "No, I'm crushed!"

Out in the middle of nowhere a UFO drops out of the sky at a gas station. The aliens, not concerned, go out of the ship. The ship even has the letters UFO emblazoned on the side. While the owner of the station stands speechless, his young employee goes and fills up their tank and even waves as they pull off.

After they’re gone the owner looks shocked at his employee. He says, "Do you realize what just happened?"

"Yeah?” he replied?

"Didn’t you see the letters UFO?"

"Yeah,” he repeats, "and?"

"Do you know what that means?"

"Gee boss, I've been working here for 5 years, of course I know what it means! It means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'."

One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks, "Does your dog bite?"

The old man replies, "No, never."

When the man bends down to pet the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says, 'I thought you said your dog did not bite!"

"I did," replies the old man, "but this isn't my dog!"