A rather strict English teacher also had the responsibility of teaching “homemaking,” as home economics used to be called. The teacher noticed a student carefully applying lipstick and powder, rather than doing her home ec lesson.
“Jenny,” said the teacher, “you pay more attention to your makeup than you do to your homemaking lessons.”
“Well, said Jenny, “before I can home make, I have to catch someone with whom.”

A little girl complained that she didn’t want to go back to school.
“But why, Lisa?” asked her mother.
“Well, I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk.”

A few days before her birthday a husband asked his wife, “Dear, what would you like for your present?”
Wife: I really don’t think I should say.
Husband: How about a diamond ring?
Wife: I don’t care much for diamonds.
Husband: well, then, a mink coat?
Wife: You know I do not like furs.
Husband: A golden necklace?
Wife: I already have three of them.
Husband: Well, gosh, what do you want?
Wife: What I’d really like is a divorce
Husband: Hmmm, I wasn’t planning on spending that much

It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.
At one house a small boy answered the door. “Tell me, young man, “said the politician,
“Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?”
“Neither,” said the child, “she’s in the bathroom.”