A college professor walked into a bas and said, “Bring me a martinus.”
The bartender smiled and said, “You mean martini?”
“If I want more than one,” snapped the professor, “I’ll order them”

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello, luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"
"How dare you," retorted the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!"
Well then," said the tramp, "what are you doing in my bed?"

At a party the hostess served a guest a cup of punch and told him it was spiked.
Next, she served some to a minister. “I would rather commit adultery than allow liquor to pass my lips!” he shouted.
Hearing this, the first man poured his punch back and said, “I didn’t know we had a choice!”

In a darkets night, a policeman watches a staggering man trying in vain to unlock a door.
"Is this your home, after all?" the policeman asks.
"Sure, I'll prove it to you if you help me."
Inside, the man explains, "You see, this is my bedroom. And this is my wife."
"And who is the man next to her?" the policemand wants to know.
"That's me!"