Two drunks are sitting elbow to elbow at a bar. “I wish I knew where I was going to die,” Paul says.
“Why?” asks Tom
“Because if I knew I would not go there “Paul replied.

The boss had listened in sympathetic silence as Mario went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise.

Then, with a compassionate smile, the CEO patted he younger man on the shoulder. “Yes, Mario,” he said kindly, “I know you can’t get married on the salary I’m paying you… and some day you’ll thank me for it.”

Its Mike’s first day on the job as a bartender. As he serves a customer a Manhattan, a piece of parsley falls into the drink.

“What the hell is that?” the customer asks.

“It’s your Manhattan. And there’s Central Park.” he replied.

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”

“Yes, we do!”

“Good. Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my alligator.”