A farmer walks into a lawyer's office and says, "I'd like to get one of them-thar day-vorce-ees."

"Yes sir, I believe I can help you," replied the lawyer. "Do you have any grounds?"

"Oh shore do!", exclaimed the farmer, "Got me bout a 140 acres out back a the house thar."

"No no... I mean do you have a case?" asked the lawyer.

"No sur," replied the farmer, "I drive one of them John Deer's"

"You don't understand," said the lawyer, "You need something like a grudge."

"Oh!" said the farmer, "I got me one of those! That's what I park muh Deer in!"

The lawyer, a bit frustrated responded, "Sir, you've got to have a reason to divorce your wife. Does she beat you up or anything?"

"No sur", replied the farmer, "I purt near get outta bed afore her ever mornin."

Finally the exasperated lawyer shouted, "WHY do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, well..." replied the farmer, "She says we jus can't communicate." 

A Montana sheep farmer was driving down the road outside of Billings one day when a State Trooper pulls him over and says, "Hey buddy, you know you just made a U-turn"? 
The farmer replies, "I did? I know sometimes I make their eyes roll."

A Montana sheep farmer was driving down the road outside of Billings one day when a State Trooper pulls him over and says, "Hey buddy, you know you just made a U-turn"? 
The farmer replies, "I did? I know sometimes I make their eyes roll."

A little boy went to his teacher to tell her he found a frog.
The teacher asked if it was alive or dead.
The little boy said that it was dead.
The teacher asked how he knew.
The boy said , "I pissed in its ear."
The teacher said, "You what?"
He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'psst!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."