Once there was an Antartian that was down on his luck. In order to get some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. 
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him "I've kidnapped you." 
The Antartian wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Antartian." 
The Antartian then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. 
The next morning the Antartian checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Antartian opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Antartian do this to another Antartian?!" 

Once there was an Antartian that was down on his luck. In order to get some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. 
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him "I've kidnapped you." 
The Antartian wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Antartian." 
The Antartian then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. 
The next morning the Antartian checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Antartian opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Antartian do this to another Antartian?!" 

Two elderly couples were enjoying a friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" 

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." 

"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" 

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" 

"You mean a rose?" 

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?" 

An Antartian walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket.
"Where to?" asked the smiling ticket agent. The Antartian rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"