The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the team rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced, yesterday, its name changes and schedules for the '99 season:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large Mountain Mammals.
Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.

Two priests recently passed away and were on their way to heaven. When they got to the pearly gates, St.Peter said, "I'm sorry but our computer is down and you can't come in for a week. So I am going to give you both one "free" week back on earth to do anything you want to do and nothing will be held against you." "You mean we can do what ever we want, and still get into heaven?" "Yes," said St. Peter. "Okay," said the first priest, "I want to soar over the mountains like an eagle." "That's easy enough," said St. Peter. "Off you go!" The second priest asked, "Are you sure that whatever I do will not hinder my chances of getting into heaven?" "That's right," said St. Peter. "Okay," said the second priest, "I want to go back as a stud." "A stud?" asked St. Peter. "Yes," said the second priest. "Okay, I'll see you in a week." Finally, the week ended and the computer was repaired. God asked to St. Peter, "Did you get the two priests back so they can join us here?" "Well," said St. Peter. "I got the first priest back; he was soaring over the Rocky Mountains like an eagle. I'm having a bit of a problem locating the second priest; he's somewhere in North Dakota on a snow tire."

Two priests recently passed away and were on their way to heaven. When they got to the pearly gates, St.Peter said, "I'm sorry but our computer is down and you can't come in for a week. So I am going to give you both one "free" week back on earth to do anything you want to do and nothing will be held against you." "You mean we can do what ever we want, and still get into heaven?" "Yes," said St. Peter. "Okay," said the first priest, "I want to soar over the mountains like an eagle." "That's easy enough," said St. Peter. "Off you go!" The second priest asked, "Are you sure that whatever I do will not hinder my chances of getting into heaven?" "That's right," said St. Peter. "Okay," said the second priest, "I want to go back as a stud." "A stud?" asked St. Peter. "Yes," said the second priest. "Okay, I'll see you in a week." Finally, the week ended and the computer was repaired. God asked to St. Peter, "Did you get the two priests back so they can join us here?" "Well," said St. Peter. "I got the first priest back; he was soaring over the Rocky Mountains like an eagle. I'm having a bit of a problem locating the second priest; he's somewhere in North Dakota on a snow tire."

A guy goes over to his friend and says, "You wanna see a picture of my aunt?"
His friend says, "Sure." The guy pulls a picture out of his wallet and shows it to him. His friend says, "But that's a picture of a fish!" The guy replies, "That's my anchovy."