Favorite this joke For his birthday, Little Johnny's parents gave him a bowl of goldfish. His mother carefully explains to him how much responsibility comes with owning a pet and tells him to make sure he remembers to give the fish the care they need every day.
Johnny is responsible with the fish for about one week, after which he begins forgetting to look after them, leaving his parents to feed the fish and clean the tank. After a couple of days, Johnny's mom and dad bring the issue up to him.
"Now Johnny," says his mother. "You have to be more responsible."
"Do you know how many times those fish would have died if we hadn't been there?" his father adds.
"Uhm, I don't know," Johnny replies. "Once?"
Little Johnny's father sees him crying and worriedly asks what's wrong. "Oh," Johnny sniffles. "I lost a nickel."
"There, there, son," his father says kindly. "I'll give you a nice new nickel." He then reaches into his wallet, takes out a nickel, and gives it to Johnny.
Despite his father's kindness, Johnny only cries harder. "Say, what's wrong now, son?" his father asks, very perplexed.
"Now I wish I'd said I lost a quarter!"
A man in a hunter's outfit enters a butcher's shop. "I would like to buy two undressed ducks, please."
"I'm very sorry," the butcher replies. "But I'm afraid we're fresh out of ducks. I can sell you a couple of fresh chickens instead if you like."
"Chickens!" the hunter exclaims. "I can't go home and tell my wife I bagged a couple of chickens!"
A woman posts her profile on a dating app. Two days later, she gets a message back, saying, "I would love to meet you, but I need to tell you that I am eight feet tall, covered in long, mangy fur riddled with fleas, and have glowing yellow eyes, razor sharp claws and long, drooly fangs. If you are still interested in meeting me, I'll be sitting on a bench in Central Park at five o'clock this afternoon."
The woman replies, "I would love to meet you, but could you please wear a red rose and some French cologne so I can recognize you?"
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