Favorite this joke My wife said, "Honey I didn’t marry you for your good looks, because you’re not so handsome, and I didn’t marry you for your money either because we’re always broke, I married you for your brain, BECAUSE it’s the little things that count."
As a member of the Marine Corps, a man was stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms Base in California. Among those serving there was a private who was determined not to re-enlist. At inspection one morning, the officer asked him, "Are you married, son?"
"No, sir," he replied. "Engaged."
"There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"
"With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "... a divorce!"
Son: “Mom, can I have $20?”
Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”
Son: “Well, isn't that what M-O-M stands for?”
A man sees a job advert published on a building site, "Handy man wanted; apply within." The man goes to speak to the foreman and applies.
Foreman: "Can you drive a forklift truck?"
Man: "No."
Foreman: "Can you plaster?"
Man: "No."
Foreman: "Can you brick lay?"
Man: "No."
Foreman: "If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you?"
Man: "I only live five minutes down the road."
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