Favorite this joke A preacher stood up before his congregation and said, "I have so much to say, I don't know where to begin."
Someone in the pew shouted, "How about somewhere close to the end?"
A woman had an attack of laryngitis and lost her voice completely for two days.
To help her communicate, her husband devised a system of taps.
One tap meant "Give me a kiss", two taps meant "Yes", seven taps meant "No", and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage".
Customer: "How much are these tomatoes?"
Owner: "Ninety-nine cents a pound."
Customer: "What? The stand down the road only charges seventy-nine cents a pound!"
Owner: "Then why don't you shop there?"
Customer: "They don't have any today."
Owner: "Well, when I don't have any I charge seventy-nine cents, too!"
"How long have you been married?" asked a friend.
"We have been happily married for seven years," answered the husband. "Seven out of sixteen isn't bad."
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