Hunting was a big disappointment this past weekend. After exiting the main road my navigation device said, "Bear left", so I just went home.

When we come into this world we're bald, toothless, and wearing diapers...

If we live long enough, we pretty much go out the same way.

Teacher: Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Intelligent people talk about ideas. Regular people talk about current events and lower than average people talk about people."

Little Johnny: No matter what history would have us believe, I respect a teacher that tells it like it is. I had no idea Eleanor Roosevelt was a below average person.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Little Johnny: She was talking about people, right?

Mr. Jones: My new loaded SUV isn’t worth a hill of beans.

Mr. Smith: What are you talking about?

Mr. Jones: Food prices.