What has ears that can’t hear?

Corn.

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell.

Well he actually said "less McDonald's", but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant.

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…

Oh wait, he does.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."

One of them said, "So will you."