A vain lion wanted to find out why the other animals were not as beautiful as he.

First, he asked a giraffe. The giraffe did not know. Next, the lion asked a bear. The bear had no answer. Then the lion asked a hippopotamus, and again got no answer.

Finally, the lion met a mouse. He asked the mouse, ”Tell me, why aren't you as big, as strong, and as beautiful as I am?”

The mouse looked up at the lion and said, ”Well, I've been sick.”

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea.

He said he can’t complain.

Wife: Whatcha doing?

Me: Nothing.

Wife: You did that yesterday.

Me: I wasn't finished.