The dead batteries were given out... free of charge!
Dick: Great News! Teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.
Jane: What’s so great about that?
Dick: It’s snowing.
Bobby: What is the difference between a lemon, an elephant, and a bag of cement?
Ray: I give up, what's the difference?
Bobby: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can't squeeze an elephant.
Ray: What about the bag of cement?
Bobby: I just threw that in to make it hard.
Mother: I think our son is going to be an astronaut.
Father: What makes you think that?
Mother: I spoke to his teacher today. She said he is taking up space.