1. It's not funny to practice barking at 3 a.m.

2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.

3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.

4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.

5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid

6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk

7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.

8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once.

9. No, it's my food... Oh alright then, just a small piece.

Opera: where somebody gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, sings.

- Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really care anymore.

- I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

- Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

How many quarters does it take to play the new Lord of the Rings arcade game?

None... it only takes Tolkiens!