I have no problem buying tampons.

I am a fairly modern man.

But apparently they’re not a ‘proper’ present.

Father: Are you playing with that video game again? What about studying?! What about homework?!

Son: Ahhh, school is such a bore!

Father: Listen, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked ten miles to school! When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he did his homework by fire-light!

Son: And when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States!

I was just on the phone with a company that said I won my choice of either $500 or tickets to see an Elvis Presley tribute band...

I had to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show!

A bartender says, "We don't serve time travelers in here!”

A time traveler walks into a bar.