Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army.

"My sergeants are wonderful", said one soldier.

"I wish I could say the same about mine," said the other.

"You could if you could lie as I do."

Patient: "Doctor, I feel as though nobody understands me."

Doctor: "What do you mean by that?"

In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?"

The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."

The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"

The second responds, "God told me I was."

At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BRAINLESS DEAF FOOL!!! MAYBE IF YOU LISTENED, YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP SOME!