A co-worker asked me, “Could you be any more annoying?”
So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.
I arrived early to the restaurant and the manager asked, "Do you mind waiting a bit?"
I replied, "Not at all."
"Good," he said, "Take these drinks to table nine."
A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."
He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.
His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
I used my best shower singing voice and did an audition try out to become a member of the local Christmas choir.
After the audition, I asked the director how I did. He said, "I will have you sing tenor."
"You mean right next to the baritones?" I asked.
"No," he said, "I mean you should sing ten or more feet away from the choir."