My wife and I have very different body clocks. At sundown she is practically ready for bed. I, meanwhile, am a night owl.

Recently, after a long, hard workday, I announced around 8 p.m. that I was exhausted and ready to hit the sack. Suddenly my wife nearly leapt into my arms.

"Oh, honey," she purred into my ear, "I just love it when you talk early to me."

Time takes its toll...

So please have exact change!

Don't ever run with Bagpipes...

You could poke an eye out...

Or worse yet, you could get kilt!

A man had just arrived home after the successful implantation of a pacemaker.

Reading through the literature, he was delighted to learn that the instrument carried a lifetime guarantee.