I accidentally sat on my phone...

Siri suggested several local gyms.

Hmmm... I just found a strange piece of plastic on the floor that looks like it broke off of something...

But I have no idea what...

Better save it in the junk drawer until I die.

Little Girl: "Daddy, what do you have to do to become a doctor?"

Daddy: "You have to do well in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent college, then go to med school, and follow that with an internship. Then you can start your own practice. Honey, as smart as you are, you can be anything you want to be."

Little Girl (after some thought): "What do you have to do to be queen?"

Writing my name in cursive...

It's my signature move!